Thursday, 18 August 2016
Firstly, hello! Is anyone still out there? If so how are you? And boy have I missed you! I don't think I've properly blogged in over a year. I've tried dipping in and out in that time but nothing's really inspired me to keep at it. I love blogging so much but life has just massively got in the way and blogging always felt like a big commitment and as I couldn't commit to it as much as I liked I stopped. Which is silly really as blogging was always a good outlet for me and I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself about it.
Anyways, where have I been? Well let me start with where I am now. I currently lying on a bed in Portugal on day 3 of a 10 day holiday feeling pretty sorry for myself. For the past 24 hours I've felt pretty rough. I've got a really horrible headache and keep getting dizzy spells and I feel exhausted. I think I'm just ill but I keep wondering if I've just burnt myself out lately and it's led to this. My anxiety is back with a vengeance too which I haven't experienced in a long while and I feel ridiculously low.
So what's led to this? Well I think a huge number of things. I genuinely can't remember the last time I had a weekend off, one where I could be lazy and do nothing. Life has beyond hectic, I have 3 jobs, there's been friends wedding, hen parties to organize, I care for my mum and I also work out on average 8 times a week. I've also started seeing someone I really like but it's long distance so I've been questioning that tons. My brain feels like it's going to implode. I am exhausted.
And all of this makes me laugh, as non of its things I don't want to do. However I feel like I'm working my backside off and still getting nowhere. I'm 30 and live in my parents loft. I'm skint, like ridiculously skint and I feel like I'm stuck. I'm at that age where all my friends are getting married, having babies and buying houses. Which is awesome but I'm nowhere near any of that. Which is not necessarily a bad thing but I'm also hugely aware that my life isn't moving forward.
So therefore I've arrived on holiday with my lovely friend and her son and I think it's hit me with an almighty whack. They've gone to the beach and I'm laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I can't switch my brain off and that trying to stop and chill out is so unknown to my body that I'm
In this mess. I'm hoping a day of rest, naps and lots of water will do some magic and tomorrow I'll be as right as rain.
What a messy first blog post back in a while! I forgot how therapeutic getting my thoughts out into this little space on the Internet can be.